Wasted Space

Today’s post was going to be about friends and the lack thereof that I’m currently dealing with.  I get that nobody wants to deal with a blunt, not always the most sympathetic, kind of self-absorbed person.  But pre-moving out of DC and pre-meeting my wife, I didn’t have issues meeting people and feeling like I was seen.  You can’t miss the fattest person in the room right?

Post move, post marriage, and post weight loss surgery, I’m looking around and I’m not seeing a whole lot of people outside of my family and a few and I mean a few close friends.  Sure, there’s Facebook, where I can’t post my opinion without someone saying something about how I’m wrong and privileged and how un-American I am.  Sure, there’s Twitter, YouTube, and Instagram where I have so many bibliophiles in my feed, I’m never going to finish my to-be-read pile.  But at the end of the day, who is there to pick up the phone and talk to about what’s really going on inside my head?

That’s the question I found myself asking this morning.  Who in my contact list can I honestly pick up the phone and vent about how screwed I really am?  About how I feel like a really messed up person?  About the level of anxiety everything seems to be giving me lately?  About how to get passed being scared?

If I tell one set of people I know that I’m jealous about their kids and that I can’t relate to their lives anymore, I’m wrong.  If I tell another set that I can’t relate because the baises I faced is based on something that I can change so I’ll never full understand where they are coming from, I’m wrong.  If I tell someone anything but what they really want to hear, I’m wrong.  So I stopped talking.  And stopped listening.  And taking up space.

I know some of the people reading this probably do care.  Some of them don’t.  But when someone tells you they feel down or they aren’t being heard or if you look at them, really look at them, and their smile seems tainted, do both of you a favor:  Tell them, “I see you.”  Not in a creepy, kind of way, but in a way that says, “You matter.”  Don’t wait a year and go up to someone and say, “You aren’t the same person who walked through those doors.  What’s up?”  Do it now.  Because you never know what’s going on in someone’s head.

Listening to:  Office chatter

Reading:  Fat Girl on a Plane by Kelly Devos and A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin

Quote of the day:  “When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” ― Harriet Beecher Stowe

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