Adulting…

…Can get bent.

No, seriously.  Whoever came up with this 9-hour workday, where we do things we don’t enjoy to make just enough money to cover living expenses and not much else needs to go away, because this is for the birds.

You’re probably fussing at me now and tell me to get a grip on reality.  Let me ask though:  Are you doing what you wanted to do as an adult or are you doing what you are doing because you make loads of money and you feel safe?

I’m doing what I’m doing because I feel safe.  Or I did, once upon a time.  Now I’m considering jumping off the ledge to go do something else.  Like, I’m close enough to letting go.  I have one foot off the edge, I’ve left my safety harness on the ground and I just need to fall forward.  Or a hard breeze to blow just enough for me to lose my balance.

That’s where I’m at, metaphorically speaking.

I don’t have a safety net at the bottom and I’m not sure wings can grow fast enough before I hit the ground.

This was supposed to be about what I wanted to be when I grew up, but so far, I’ve just told you where I’m standing and what I’m thinking about.

So what happens when I step off that ledge and let go?  Do I really have the kahunas to risk everything and just fall?

Answer right now:  No.  Because it’s a very short drop to the bottom.  And I’m scared.  I have a safe job.  And I’ve had people make comments about what I want out of my life.  I want to write; I want to share stories with the world and I want to see that world.  I want to share things with my family that I haven’t before, but some of those things take money to do.  So what do I do?  Stay is a safe job while looking for the next safe move that will hopefully get me out of my funk.  I’ve been taking my stress home with me and it sucks.

What do I want to be when I grow up?  Happy, whether it’s as a writer or something else, but I’m getting tired of feeling dead inside and when I write, I feel alive, especially this month.  I have a goal and I’m getting there; I’m going to blow the thing out of the water so hard, it won’t even have existed!

Off to go pen the rest of my book.

Listening to:  Say Something Loving by the xx

Reading:  Lair of Dreams by Libba Bray and Life, the Universe and Everything by Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day:  “Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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