Changes and Letting Go

Yesterday was an off day with many of my emotions tied to my weight loss, or lack thereof.  In December, I had weight loss surgery.  I went from brushing up against 400 lbs (highest weight was 396)  maybe nine months ago to flirting with 300 lbs (I was at [enter weight] this morning).  For me, this was difficult to swallow.

It’s been almost fourteen years since I weighed this much.  Fourteen years, I went to Mountaineer Challenge Academy and lost about 70 lbs, getting down under 250 lbs.  I was excited, and I liked how I looked.  It didn’t last, though.  I went to college at 16 and being away from home with no real authority figure there, I binged and did some idiotic stuff.  After two weeks, I went back home, back to my baggie clothes that didn’t fit anymore, went to work and went back to high school.  I tried out for the track team but not having a drill sergeant in your face barking at you to run is different.  I didn’t run and therefore didn’t stay after the first practice.  I gained all the weight back I had lost and stayed the fattest kid in my class.

As an adult, I got down to 322 by walking and doing cross-fit.  Stuff is hard but doing it with other people made it worth it.  After a few months, I stopped.  And like clockwork, within a few years, I was back up to 396.  It hurt that I had let myself get there far gone again, but it was no one’s issue but my own.

The other day, I made a comment on my Facebook about being scared because this is the smallest I’ve been weight wise in a very long time.  I’m scared because this is unknown territory right now.  I’m training for a half marathon, and I want to run it, not fast but at least a good bit of it.  I’m procrastinating on the training though because… I’m scared I’m going to break the treadmill.  I know that is just an excuse but to me, that’s a legit excuse.  It’s cold up here right now, even though tomorrow is going to be in the 70’s.  I have a seven-mile walk/run tomorrow before I go to Pottercon with a friend of mine.

I mentioned all of this to Ray yesterday, and we went shopping for smaller clothes for me.  Granted it was just Walmart but I haven’t been able to wear Wal-mart pants and jeans in a few years.  We got one pair of jeans for me.  I wanted to try on a 24 just for giggles since I can put on the 26’s without unbuttoning them.

Now to clean out our room and donate what we are never going to wear again before we got shopping at Torrid Sunday.

Happy Friday folks.

Listening to:  Back to Chubby’s Past Diets Part 1.

Reading:  Etched in Bone by Anne Bishop

Quote of the Day:  “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” ― Sheryl Sandberg

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Filed under Advice Column, Weightloss

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