Fear

What are some things you aren’t doing because of fear or it involves taking a risk?

I was reading an article for a class that started today.  It talked about how fear keeps people from taking risks and not stepping out of the box.  Of course it was in reference to the resurgence of the middle class during the late 19th century and the early 20th century.  Sadly though, that thought process is still around today.  It’s the reason why I haven’t done much more with my life.

Fear of being seen…

If you’ve noticed from my 1001 days list, a few of my goals revolve around weight and movement.  I’ve always been fat and I’ve used that excuse for a really long time as a reason to not go after what I want in life.  “Oh, I’m too fat to go clubbing.”  “Oh, I’m too fat to get on that ride.”  “Oh, I’m too fat for anyone to love me.”  I love to dance, I LOVE roller coasters, and I kept going after people who weren’t necessarily healthy for me because it was easy.  But the fear of being seen doing anything fun for myself was scary so I packed on the pounds because then I could “hide” behind my weight.  For years, I refused to eat in a restaurant by myself because I was the token fat person and by eating alone, I was more open to people’s stares and criticism.

Fear of taking a risk…

This is a popular one for a lot of people I know.  With life, there is always a risk.  For me, risk involves going into the unknown by doing what I’ve never done or doing things outside of my comfort zone.  I haven’t quit my job or taken a leave of absence because I’m not sure where we’d get the money from.  The Universe has a funny way with this though.  Sometimes, opportunities present themselves in amazing ways:  A new job, the chance to take classes for free, new friends who break you out of your comfort zone, etc.  Fear can keep you complacent and those opportunities get passed over because of the risks involved with them.

Fear of letting people down…

For me, this a part and parcel with who I am.  I have a definite fear of letting people down.  It’s the reason I procrastinate, I lie, and sometimes why I get depressed and withdraw from people.  Here’s the thing though:  I do most of that because I’m trying to predict the other person’s reaction to what I have to tell them.  That’s a really tough way to live life.  The only person’s reaction I should predict and control is my own.  I’m so scared to let someone down.  It’s an irrational fear but a fear all the same.

BUT…

Some of my best memories were ones where I stepped out of my comfort zone.  I wouldn’t have met my awesome wife and family had I not taken a chance.  I wouldn’t have spent a month on my own in Portland with some of the best food ever.  I wouldn’t have done things for myself had I not said to myself, “Screw fear today.”  It’s not always easy and there are plenty of things I’m still not doing because I’m afraid of other people’s reactions but I am a work in progress.

Listening to:  The Hunger Games Soundtrack on YouTube.  I needed laid back to help focus today.  This is my go to album, outside of Hamilton.

Reading:  Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl

Quote of the Day:  “When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” ― Harriet Beecher Stowe

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